Ted - Almost as good as an Apache Helecopter

Ted

Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Seth McFarlane, Mila Kunis, Joel McHale, Giovanni Ribisi

Directed by: Seth McFarlane

Best Moment: Ted’s house party; ‘DEATH TO MING!’

Worst Moment: Wahlberg’s flashback is weak. And anything to do with Family Guy.

A Teddy Bear magically coming to life? It’s a dream come true! But wait; it’s voiced by Seth McFarlane, creator of BBC’s favourite excuse to cancel programming Family Guy? Oh ho, I can see where this is going! Que 100 minutes of pot smoking, 9/11 joking mayhem, tied up with a cheesy little bromance. Cut and print, job done.

This’ll probably be your expectation walking into this summer’s mid-blockbuster comedy, but if that’s the case you’ll be walking home disappointed. Because Seth McFarlane has made the surprising move of turning his first feature into a fairly sweet little film, which puts its story in front of the crudeness; though admittedly with mixed results. 

Like many long term fans of McFarlane, I’ve struggled to enjoy his ‘work’ over the last few years. I say ‘work’ because it feels like he barely has a presence in the making of Family Guy anymore. Long gone are the glorious post-cancelation days of ‘North by North Quahog’ (one of only two episodes he’s ever actually written) and instead we have endless plot about Brian and Stewie making gay jokes. And abortion. His touch has faded, and while American Dad and Cleveland Show often bring the funny, the Griffin’s family adventures are long past their heyday.

But McFarlane has gone the opposite way with his first stab at live action (the Winner aside... ewwwww). Plot comes first here, and after a cute little riffing on 80’s kids films (with the addition of ‘beat the Jew’ day) we're put straight into a classic Third Wheel romance story, with sexy Mila Kunis demanding Mark Wahlberg sort his life out and stop hanging around with a teddy bear. It’s nothing groundbreaking, but the characters and situations are likeable. Wahlberg uses a great OTT Boston accent throughout (seemingly for no reason but hey ho) and Kunis mills about in the low budget girlfriend roll that’s made her career. But of course, we don’t really want to hear about these two. It’s all about Ted. And I love him.

Ted is by far the best CGI character to be in a movie post-Gollum. Despite occasional Peter-isms, he soon turns into a likeable, three dimensional character and we never feel he isn't part of the real world. He's infinitely superior to the thematically similar Paul (from... Paul), by very rarely being an asshole. He’s a great creation, and is never used in the in-your-face manner you’d expect from the trailers.  With his two co-stars (and Community’s Joel McHale, who sadly isn’t quite as funny as he could be), we have ourselves a great little comedy. It’s a little over long, but still a refreshing change from the Hangover clones and Wedding Reception fodder.

Sadly, McFarlane’s solid effort will be undermined by the shadow of his other success. As the advertising keeps telling us, this is from the creator of Family Guy; so of course the film is stuffed with nods and similar subject matter to his cartoon. Whether it’s Patrick ‘Joe Swanson’ Warburton playing Wahlberg’s gay co-worker, or Stewie Griffin’s voice being given to a middle age fish, we constantly hammered with reminders of the cartoon. Once or twice it’s done brilliantly; there’s a funny ‘cut-away’ style gag involving a prostitute’s ... leavings. But most of the time, it’s an awkward 9/11 joke, or even Ted mentioning Peter Griffin himself. It’s very distracting, and never really funny. It actually damages the enjoyment of the film, reminding you that you’re not watching the all out crude reference fest you were expecting, but something a little more subdued; a little frustrating if that isn’t what you enjoy. 

I wish McFarlane had cut these ties, especially as Ted does an ample job of delivering his trademark hot button one liners and references. And all without being the one dimensional douchebag Peter, Cleveland and even Stan can often be. The Peter-isms place a lens over the movie, disfiguring some of the great directing work he’s managed to put in (the hotel fight scene is a standout; it’s the brutal Bourne Identity/Care Bears crossover we’ve been waiting for!). His next film should defiantly be something further from the well.

So long as you go into the theater without the stigma of Family Guy, you’ll find Ted to be a cute, funny film with a solid heart. It’s not to over the top or crude (baring two occasions) and has some genuinely hilarious moments that it would be unfair to spoil here. Great job Seth!

4/5 (Four Apache Helicopters out of Five)

Flashpoint #1

Looking forward to DC's big digital reboot in September, I downloaded the first issue of DC's 2011 Summer Crossover. Since starting university I been forced to give up collecting comics as single issues, and resolved to pick up the choicest storylines in trade. But while Marvel are on the ball in releasing the collections quickly, DC are still stuck in the same old rut of waiting 3 months, then releasing a hard cover, then another year until they release in trade. (thus, I haven't gotten to read any of Blackest Night yet... only 3 weeks left to wait). But with DC soon to be releasing all of their comics digitally, I got the shiny new DC comics app for my I-phone and gleefully set about downloading this latest event. (For once, DC are ahead of Marvel on this front; Fear Itself, Marvels own summer event isn't currently avaliable digitally).

At first I was worried Flashpoint was going to be a difficult read. The most recent storyline I've read in DC is the 'Agent Orange' arc for Green Lantern, so I'm about a year behind in storyline. And in the past, DC's events have often been heavily relient on recent continuity; not just world changing behemoths like the flabby Final Crisis, but even smaller events such as Sinestro Corp war have all been reliant on a pretty heavy knowledge of the various Superheroes recent events.

Luckily, Flashpoint is a perfect jumping on point for new and returning readers to DC. It's whole concept is that the Flash (admittedly, a character with one of the more convoluted histories) wakes up in a completely changed world to the one he remembers. Superman is nowhere to be found. Batman is a killer who owns a change of casinos. And Wonder Woman and Aquaman are tearing Europe apart in a bloody World War. It's up to a now powerless Flash to unite the disillusioned heroes of this new Earth, and find away to set the world straight.

So with Flash exploring this new world at the same pace as the reader, new recruits to DC comics have an easy time understanding what could have been a really confusing narrative. DC diehards will also have great fun seeing some of the changes to the world: among them is a promotion for 'Cyborg' (the dude from the old Teen Titans cartoon) to be the Leader of the Heroes in the Flashpoint world, and many heroes and villains swapping roles and personalities. My personal favourite change is the new version of Captain Marvel: Reborn as Captain Thunder, he a battle scarred version of the cheesy old superhero, given a 'Ben 10' style update in that 7 kids fuse together to create him. It's a great invention of the character, and one I hope they bring over to the new DC universe after the reboot.

Writer Geoff Johns, (my personal favourite when it comes to comics writers) has created a really solid idea for this crossover; his writing moves at a really good pace; a good mix of poignant character moments and world building that made his work on titles such as 'Green Lantern' such a success. His first cliff-hanger is a real stroke of genius, and I can't wait to see where the story's going to go next. It's reinforced by some really strong artwork by Jim Lee, who gives an epic quality to the most humble of scenes. It's exciting that the pair will be in charge of the new Justice League book in a few months time.

Flashpoint is a must read for anyone that enjoys superhero comics. It's an original, brilliant reinvention of a classic universe, and the most intriguing idea for an 'event' in a long time.

Super fun Bonus review

DC have been holding back the 'Flashpoint' books from Digital release by a month (fair enough... the comic stores deserve to make a profit before the line goes Same-day-release from September). So in the long wait for Issue 2 to be released, I also picked up the first of many many tie-ins for the Event; Booster Gold #44. Booster Gold is an 80's hero who's shtick is that he's a time-traveller from the 25th century; a loser in the future, he nabs a load of future tech, travels back in time, and becomes a celebrity hero in the present day; where unfortunately, current superheroes still think he's an idiot. This issue sees Booster returning from an adventure outside the time-stream, but winds up in the Flashpoint universe; he robot companion 'Skeet’s explaining that it's now the only Universe that exists.

While it's a fun issue, it's hardly a necessary read for those buying the core Flashpoint miniseries. Unless Booster is going to turn up in a later issue to help Flash out, his hardly likely to become an important player, unless they're going to kill him off or something before the big reboot. At best, this issue mimics the story beats of Flashpoint #1, but with Booster in the Flash's place; but since no one really cares about him anyway, it's hard to find any emotional depth in it. In fact, it kind of lessens the drama of the event if someone other than Flash realises what’s going on.
 The most intriguing parts of this story are the Flashpoint universe version of S.T.A.R.s and their 'secret weapon'; who's cliff-hanger appearance is either to give clues as to where Superman is, or (much more likely) a desperate attempt to keep new readers sticking with the book. I'm not likely to continue it to be honest, unless it's the only 'Flashpoint' release of the week (as this one was when it came out), but I'm sure completists will enjoy it none the less.

Transformers; Dark of the Moon: We're idiots, but happy idiots.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon is a film you already know if you’re going to like or not. It's will never be seen as a good movie by either critics or the internet supernerds that jointly decide on which films are 'worthy or not'. But where it excels, it excels wonderfully. The action sequences are well thought out, well directed and feature genuinely exciting 3D. It is perhaps the ultimate Giant Robots smashing things up movie of all time. And if that's you cup of tea, you’ll get your monies worth at the box office.

Big battle aside, the rest of the film is clearly lacking. The acting is in general weak, which I think maybe down to the confusing script rather than lack of effort; poor Mr Shia LeBeouf is once again starring in a film that squanders not only his own talents, but those of his co-stars; John Malkovich, John Turturro, Patrick Dempsey; non of them walk away without the careers in some way crapped upon. Only Frances McDormand puts in a good turn as a strict government agent, but honestly, she's not even bringing her B game, let alone her A. But whilst the co-stars were undoubtedly in it for the money, and their careers will bounce back immediately. But Shia needed this gig. After the horrific Revenge of the Fallen, and the Unloved Kingdom of the Crystal Skull, he really needs to get out of the blockbuster business if he going to save his face in a industry that once calling him 'the new Tom Hanks'. 

But the film for the most part is just another round of what come before in the Transformers franchise. There's a great big alien super weapon that the baddy robots are invading Earth to get; the good robots fight them, but for some reason the plot centres on Army dudes and Shia and (INSERT WHORE HERE). Now in the first film, I think this approach works well; the coming of age plot, teenage troubles, and the comedy secondary cast are nice interludes between the CGI intergalactic sludge matches. But here, any elements besides the Robot fighting are detrimental to the viewing experience. There's talk of conspiracies, 'funny' side characters (such as Alan Tudyk as a gay Nazi, which sounds a lot funnier than it actually is) and a general attempt to give Shia another coming of age story where he tries to get his first job.

But really, screw all that. By halfway, you just don't care anymore. It's enjoyable enough, watching the shady political dealings and horrors of meeting your girlfriends better-looking boss, but you just can't connect with what on screen.

But interestingly enough, the film's makers seems to get bored too. And, almost exactly half way through the movie, the tone of the film completely changes. Within ten minutes, a load of major characters are shown to be traitors; Blank-Whore girl is kidnapped; Chicago is bombed into nothingness; and suddenly the entire plot had been removed, and all that’s left now is for Giant Robots to pound the crap out of each other.

Thank freaking goodness. With all the flab of the first two acts ejected, Michael Bay actually starts to make a movie that plays to his directorial strengths. Sure, this is basically explosions and gun porn for an hour. But actually, the amount of work he puts into to big battle really pays off. From an incredible set piece of a giant robot snake tearing down a skyscraper, to Optimus Prime equipped with Jetpack, Machinegun, Axe, Sword, Shotgun and Knuckle Duster tearing into enemy bots, to an absolutely fantastic scene of troops freefalling through the crumbling city, this hour long battle is so well made, you won't mind that you've just paid £7.50 to watch Shia moan for an hour and a half. Hell, even the 3D is incredible; the first film I've seen since Avatar which insists to be shown with a third dimension.

And really that's what this film boils down too. The chance to see the best robot smashdown in cinema history. It doesn't make this a good movie by any stretch of the imagination. But it certainly will leave you in a state of brain damaged euphoria until something smart comes out.

Torchwood Miracle Day – Episode 1 Teasing

I had the honour of getting to see the first episode in the Brand New Series of Torchwood at BFI London today (and even got to meet the cast – they're awesome!) While I can’t give away any spoilers, I can’t go to bed without writing down a few thoughts and teasers. So without further ado:

1.       It’s still Torchwood. Even though the action is mostly moving to the other side of the pond, the soul of the show is still there. Not just in the Wales based sequences, but in its characters, dialogue and tone.  Anyone worried that American influence may have damaged it can rest easy. That Said:

2.       It’s very international. Not just in its narrative, but in its production style. Rather fittingly, the American led sequences often have a very E.R., or Heroes sort of feel; lots of government buildings, cities and surroundings. They feel like a US Drama. But the UK scenes feel like classic Torchwood, with a grittier, action thriller style. It’s a great juxtapositioning of two styles of TV, though I expect we’ll see less of it as the series continues.

3.       RTD is on top form. The Man himself was at the event tonight, and was a nice as Doctor Who Confidential made him out to be! But in terms of his writing, this was some of his best. Although this episode obviously featured a lot of setting up for the season in general, there are some of his lovely patented ‘domestic’ moments breaking up the C.I.A.’s shenanigans, and it has a great mix of humour and balls-out action that made his best Doctor Who scripts memorable. Love & Monsters this ain’t. 

4.       There also some of his best ever dialogue snippets, with one early phrase shocking you into silence with its ruthless timing. Sadly due to its context, we probably won’t get it on a T-Shirt.

5.       New Characters Rex and Esther (played by Mekhi Phifer and Alexa Havins respectively) are fantastic additions to the cast. Though they understandably start off as ‘the audience’s eyes’ in the first half of the episode, but by the end they are both fully fleshed protagonists – there’s a great montage 2/3 through that really shows how damn cool and resourceful Rex is.

6.       Bill Pullman, playing new wrong un’ Oswald Jones is also good, but doesn’t leave as big impression as the rest of the cast (probably because he’s actually only in three scenes). But if the trailer and RTD’s comments after the screening where anything to go by (spoilers!) he’ll be stepping into the limelight in a big way as the series goes on.

7.       There’s lots of hangover from last season. Anyone worried that the 456 and Jack’s sacrifices are going to be left untouched will be glad to hear there’s lots of mentions to Children of Earth, as well as earlier Torchwood adventures. We not at the mercy of a need for a reboot or reintroducing characters; the story follows seamlessly from the mini-series, but with plenty of room for new viewers to jump on board.

8.       That said, it gets on with the story. There’s not much hysterics or brooding in the ep, and by the end of the episode all the characters have been launched fully into the events of Miracle Day. This is a great relief, as we could have easily been subjected to a few episodes of battle scars and hurt feelings after last series; it’s great that we can launch straight in without too many problems.

9.       There some brilliant use of violence – there’s one major sequence with some of the nastiest, stomach-churning stuff the BBC have done, but not in a shocking or gratuitous way; it all seems integral and necessary to the narrative. (Something that defiantly couldn’t be said of the shows earlier seasons!)

10.   The Climax is FREAKING BRILLIANT! Heroic, action packed and very, very funny. Doctor Who will need to step up its game to get an action sequence this memorable!

All in all, were in for a real treat with this series; it’s gonna make the Summer Months much less boring for its existence! And if you want spoilers.... buy me a few drinks, and we’ll see how it goes...

Torchwood: Miracle Day will probably start on 9^th July, but the BBC haven’t bothered to tell anyone yet...